Friday, March 15, 2013

Are Women Smarter Than Men?



This is the kind of question that begs to be read between the lines. To help you read it better, I am giving below an example of two lines. 
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    Now most women I know, can read the text in between the above two lines. Most men I know, and I am also a man (at least to all outward appearances) see a blank space between the two lines.

    This simple test proves many things, like, women have poor eyesight.  To confirm this, I referred to various anthropological texts. Men have better vision to scan the horizon for dangerous animals. This helped them to hide while the women of the tribe, lacking this advantage were the ones to be eaten first. This was fine initially, till men realised they were running short of women. To counteract this, it was mutually decided to put the women in a central place, and since Shopping Malls were not invented back then, they were put in natural geographical formations called caves. Since lighting was a problem in these caves, women developed the ability to see things beyond what was naturally visible, like reading between the lines. 

    You see, how I have proven the above conclusively. As you read further, you will find further examples of such deep masculine deductive logic.

    Second area of gender dispute is on mathematical abilities.  Some people (including a Dean at Harvard, if my memory serves me right) claim men are better at maths. There might be a basis for this. In the old days (before the afore mentioned malls and credit cards were invented), the use of mathematics was rudimentary. All women needed to know, was how many vegetables to put in the pot before it overflows.
    Men who used to do the hunting needed to know how many saber toothed tigers it took to wipe out the hunting party. Since this was more dangerous and of immediate consequence, men developed better computational skills.   

    The third area of presumed differential ability is the area of pain tolerance. Many women have told me that women can bear pain more stoically than men, using usually the example of child birth to prove their claim.  Apparently, from what they have told me, the spinal tap for administering anesthesia is very painful. Having avoided physical pain of any sort all my life, I feel incompetent to answer this conclusively. 

    Women are also supposed to have better communication skills. This has been communicated to me by many women, multiple times. This is a modern way of saying, they talk more. This is true. Yesterday my niece came to visit me and spoke for an hour. Privately, I am still trying to figure out what she said. Publicly, I am happy, as she is happy, that she had a meaningful chat with her uncle. She left with deep sense of accomplishment. I was left with a deep sense of foreboding. Maybe she had asked to use my car, during the hour long talk, and I had nodded in affirmative. Only the next few days will tell. 

    My wife also communicates very well. It usually is about food, a subject I am very interested in. The discussion, usually ends, with me in a warm state of anticipation. I have understood that she is going to make lasagna with caramel custard as dessert. I get kaalan (a malayalee curry) and rice. This proves men are dumb. Or that women are smarter than men. Or that Kaalan is the Malayalee word for Lasagna!

    While I am writing this, my wife came to check on me. She read the first few paragraphs and said 'Hummpgh'. This sound is the most powerful sound in the female vocabulary. It means many things. It is the ultimate multi-tasker. In my house, it ranges from expression of displeasure to just plain lack of any pleasure. 

    I ask meekly, what the 'Hummpgh' means? 

    She replies by saying this is a very stupid question and everybody knows the answer. Assuming you belong to this category of 'everybody', you know the answer. If you still have doubts, contact my wife.  Or ask any women! Or ask any married man!