Driving In The City - How Not To Go Nuts

One of the popular jokes of the 70's, during the height of the cold war was on what to do in case of a nuclear attack. It ended with the popular phrase 'Kiss your ass goodbye'. 

     In a similar vein, though not as drastic, is driving in cities today. You can kiss your peace of mind goodbye and soon enough you can kiss your shiny and well kept exterior of the car goodbye. My car used to shine and it used to frequently remind me of C.J.Parker in Baywatch. It used to be smooth all over and shine with a glean  that made me sigh with contentment every time I looked at it. 

      Then I started driving and by driving, I mean started going frequently to the city area. I still shines but only on areas where my fellow residents in Bangalore, have not left their mark. In case you are not familiar with Bangalore, let me tell you it is a very sociable city. People who you don't even know and in many cases you do not want to know, will come up to your car and leave a dent or a scratch. Being an urban jungle, it is their way of marking their territory. Once their mark is left, if circumstances allow they will quickly scamper away. In case they are stuck in traffic along with you and they are forced to acknowledge their dent-making, they look at you with a sheepish grin. Then they sigh, signaling their sympathy at your fate. It is after all, Karma. Your car did something bad in its previous life as a piece of iron ore somewhere in Jharkand and now it has got its due. 

      By this time the signal changes, and your sociable little sociopath has sped off. You are left with a dent and serious longing to change somebody's Karma. If you are like me, you scream and curse the city, the traffic, the police and the whole system. If you are like me, and you are born with a very flexible spine, you will of course do it with all the windows up, so that nobody can hear. 

      And if you are still like me, you will then continue your tirade by listing down the all the injustices your poor car has faced and explain in detail the circumstances, the location etc.  I have noticed this usually helps in passing the time and you reach the city a satisfied and happy man. 

      Therefore, my advise to fellow drivers is not to Drive. Please stay at home. Try telecommuting. I have been told it is a good thing. If your company does not allow it and some companies are just plain grumpy that way, my advise is to drive very slowly. If you can push your car to work, that would be the best thing to do. For everybody and especially me. 

      Seriously speaking, here are a few general tips to remember when driving in the city. 

 1. If you live in the suburbs like me, start early. This will ease the pressure on you to drive fast, thus avoiding risky driving. 

2. Drive slowly. Plan your trip and expect all contingencies. If it is possible and this requires a high level of intelligence, plan only your contingencies and expect a smooth trip. 

3. Traffic jams, breakdowns, punctures are all normal in Bangalore. If you don't encounter any of these, then it means you will arrive before your schedule. Take the extra minutes to enjoy the city and its people. Park you car and  laugh at other drivers. Watch their tense faces and nod sagely at how wise you have been in planning your trip. 

 4. Fill your fuel tank often. As a rule, I fill up when my fuel gauge shows half empty. You can also do this if it shows half full. This helps as you don't need to constantly worry about your vehicle running out of fuel. 

5. Check the tyre pressure. This will help in reducing fuel consumption. Most fuel stations provide air free and since you don't pay for it, it is recommended to get as much of it as you can. Please remember too much air can burst your tires in addition to making a very bumpy ride. But since you will be driving very slowly or pushing your vehicle, bumpiness should not be a serious consideration. 

6. Check the lights. There are two switches for the headlights. You don't need them. All you need is the High beam switch. Wherever you are, always use the high beam. This way you can blind the oncoming driver who in turn will blind you with his high beam. This makes for an interesting near death experience. 

7. Use the horn button often. This makes driving safe. Horn ahead. 

8. Avoid stopping and starting at Signals. This increases fuel consumption. If it is possible, do not stop at all. 

     There are many more tips on safe driving in the city. But those don't pertain to our country and hence we do not need to bother. If you follow the above tips and adopt telecommuting, you can have pleasant experiences with your car. Your car will shine and glow provide you with years of contented sighs. 

A Perfect Relationship

He sat brewing his coffee with the past knocking his door, he knew it was her. It was always her and she knocked constantly. He had tried to tell her not to knock his door so early in the morning. But she did not really understand the concept of time. She did not understand, that it disturbed him. Her knocking, so early in the morning.! 

She really did not care that it disturbed him. It was so simple for her. It seemed as if she did not understand, how complicated his life was. What really pained him was that, she did not even make an attempt to adjust to his life. From the first day that she had come to his home, she had not shown any interest in helping him, to make his life easier. She did not help out in the house. She did not do any cleaning. In fact, sometime he felt he was a slave to her. She ignored him most of the time and did not reply when he called her.   He had to shout, which worked sometimes. Not all the time. This really made him angry and stressed. It was not that he believed he was the master of the house or he was chauvinistic. But he believed it was common courtesy, to answer when somebody called. What else was there in a relationship?

She was so lazy, she reminded him of his previous relationship.    At least it had been a relationship. Though, not a good one.  The similarities were striking. He knew he was a romantic at heart and he knew he was not very wise, at least in matters of the world. Any way, he felt he had learnt a lot after his girlfriend dumped him. He had felt that he knew what to look for in a relationship.

He had again searched for the perfect relationship. The relationship that he had always dreamt about. In his heart he knew he had done the same thing before. He believed there was a perfect companion for him in this world. Someone, who would love him always.

He had diligently looked at all the newspaper advertisements. Visited all the homes.  Met all of them. He had asked the right questions. He had single-mindedly pursued the ideal of a perfect companion. 

When he had found her he had been thrilled. He had made all the arrangements. He had tidied the house. Arranged the furniture, got new cutlery. He didn't want his new relationship to start on a bad note. 

He had brought her home, nervously. He knew it was a new place to her and it would take time for her to adapt to the new surroundings. She had never been to this city before. She would be meeting new people. People who behaved differently from what she was used to. 

How would they treat her? Would they love her or would they hate her? He had never been able to figure out if his friends or his neighbors really liked her. Most of them had not shown any affection or interest. They had seemed polite when he had introduced her. But they didn’t show any great interest in her. 

He had guessed from some of their faces that they found her very loud. 

He knew it was not fair on his part to expect everyone to like her, even though she was with him. 

I guess some people love dogs and some don’t.